Tuesday, May 8, 2007


Well where pretty positive there is major brain damage in my sister in law at this point, so we need to look at long term care for her. Not only that we need to deal with her kids as well, but her mother has gone off the deep end and thinks everyone is agianst her. Right now she has the kids which isn't good and we are trying to get them without causing them more damage, or it being to traumatic. I've been talking to the 16 year old right along, and she understands and knows what's going with her mother. The 12 year old is a diffrent story. He has problems, and i'm not sure how connected with reality he is. His mother and grandmother always babied him and protected him from the outside world. Now that his mother has gone nuts she's making sure the kids don't go anywhere with anyone but her. She's afaid well snatch them and run or something. Its going to get ugly, and it's not what there mother would have wished. She wanted me and Master to have them, and had told us this before. Unfortunitly she never put anything in writing. His other sister Fran is going through her computer to see if she has anything written there. She seems to think she might have at one point wrote something down just in case. Hopefully she finds something, becouse otherwise things are going to get real ugly as we fight to get custody of these kids and his sister. Where so mentaly and emotianly drained right now don't know if we are coming or going, and everything just keeps running through my head over and over and I can't stop it. I want to think of anything else, but just can't. I try going to chat room and get lost for a while, but it just doesn't work. I'd even wish Master would give me a good whipping, becouse maybe that would take the pain out of my heart for a while and put it elsewhere. I was a manic depressive in highschool, and managed to overcome that which wasn't easy. Now I'm feeling those same feelings agian. Lost, alone, scared, and wanting to cause pain and hurt to myself to keep those feelings at bay. Maybe if I get some sleep it will be better. I'm so exhausted I think even when i'm asleep all these problems are still assualting my brain keeping me from truly resting.

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