Sunday, February 8, 2009

Its a start

Pulled Katie outside tonight to talk to her about things that were bugging me. I wanted the truth from her since Ed has refused to be a man and tell me what was going on. I have seen the mail saying Katie was in trouble with Sears, but he would not give me a straight answer. She finally told me they had tried to take some videos and a game he wanted. They were stopped and can't go in Sears anymore. Now they have been kicked out of Sears and Walmart in this area. She's not even eighteen she should not have a record like this. I know he is still stealing from the bookstore as well. I am not sure what to do about it. It's already done and over with so not much I can do. I feel helpless knowing that I was not there for her. She also told me she has had sex with her friend from school like twice now. That was not something I wanted to hear, but I am glad she was open enough to tell me. I feel bad she feels like she can't tell the truth, and he's caused that. I'm sorry things have got so damn bad, but I am done trying to work things out. I know he's depressed as hell and he does this shit to try to feel something, anything. I know how that is becouse I was like that for years searching for I had no clue what. I'm still searching but I know now what I'm searching for is inside myself not outside. I've had to struggle very hard to find myself, and find self worth inside myself. No one else can do it for you. It's hard. Its very hard, but so worth it. I am trying to figure out how to get a divorce. He might not want one, but I need it. I need him out of my life though he will never be completly gone. I need my own space so I can stop stagniting and start to live at long last.