Poor subbies

How often have you heard this phrase? Poor little misguided sub taking advantage of by the big bad mean Dom. Well I for one am tired of it. Are we not all adults in this lifestyle? Why should only one person take the blame when things go wrong? I believe its just as much the subs job to research, and learn is it is the Dom's. In fact its a poor Dom in my opinion, and an idiot sub if they don't understand and know safety precautions of any play they partake in. Edge play most especially. Every day you read about some idiot that let some Dom they hardly know tie them up and leave them for hours at a time. Usually ending tragically with a death from suffocation if not seriously impaired. How many times must the warning be giving...Do not play with someone you do not know and aren't comfortable with? You can not hide behind the fact oh I'm a submissive it's my Dom's job to look after and care for me. That is such a cop out. You are still an adult and responsible for your own actions and mistakes. You choose your partner not the other way around though it may feel that way. We all know how many fakes, wanna bes, and lairs there are out there not only in the lifestyle but in general. Why would you trust yourself with someone you don't know online or off? Anyone who hears I've been in the lifestyle thirty years (and there thirty three years old), and I know exactly what you need and believes it needs a psych evaluation not a Dom. If you ever feel doubts about anyone your with and they don't let you express those doubts and discuss them with you that is a major red flag, same thing if you ask questions and they refuse answers. Online Dom's that vanish with no goodbyes or reason another red flag. Piss poor excuses like the power went out or an emergency came up should only be allowed once not over and over. Take a stand for your selfs and be responsible adults not children seeking the love you can't find elsewhere. Being a sub does not mean being a doormat and obeying every Tom, Dick, and Harry that claims there a Dom and knows what you need, and what is best for you. Only you can know and understand what is best for you. Before even getting a toe wet in the lifestyle subs need to explore all aspects of play and find out what attracts them, and what they might want to try and what they have no desire to partake in at all. They need to search for someone that has the same type of likes as they have, and people that want to explore or has experience in the things they wish to explore and learn. Finding a soul mate is not easy in or out of the lifestyle, and its not something thats going to happen overnight. No matter how fast you feel you want to go, its better to step back and take it slow and make sure the person you choose is the right one for you. Even if its just a scening partner your looking for take your time and make sure there ideals matches yours, and they understand your limits and needs. No one has yet died from not belonging to some one no matter what they think. Think, listen, study, and learn long before seeking that elusive long term partner and so many tragedies can be averted. This has been a public service announcement from your local kinkster friendly blogger...

Inner peace

How does one obtain this allusive ideal? Is there really such a thing is inner peace? Can meditation really help restrain the inner beast? These are question I do not have the answers for, and not sure any one does. There are some that claim to find inner peace and harmony. I think as long is we have brains in our heads there's always going to be a part that's screaming and yelling something different from the world around us. This is what causes those inner conflicts that drive people to distraction. I do not see how sitting with your knees crossed and humming some mantra helps anybody achieve anything but having sore knees. Am sure making your mind a complete blank maybe gets rid of those demons, but to completly vanquish them? Even when I'm at my happiest there's something in the back of my mind whispering you'd be happier if...or maybe this is just the calm before the storm. I'm not sure this is a bad thing though. As long is that beast keeps roaring we keep working on finding ways to quiet him down. The striving is a part of life that keeps us learning and growing. If no one had found things they weren't happy with maybe we'd still be wearing skins and hitting each other over heads with clubs. Isn't making things easier on yourself a part of searching for happiness? Doesn't happiness with yourself and the world around you lead to inner peace? OK I could go around in circles with this subject, but its still not making sense to me so I'll end here...

Happy slave

In my opinion one of the key components to having a happy well adjusted slave is having protocols and rules for them to follow. A slave needs to feel useful and owned. Set schedules, rules, and punishments helps maintain the proper mindset for servitude. Not everyone goes for high protocols or even low protocol everyone is different and does what works for them and there relationships. There should be at least one time a day where the Master/slave dynamic should be pushed a bit otherwise you get bratty slaves who think they can top. Kneeling before there Master, being spanked just because they can, or some other form or ritual should be performed to accentuate who is Master and who is slave. Punishments for infractions should be set in place, and happen as soon is possible instead of being allowed to pile up. Also if a punishment is threatened and not giving then that gives the slave the idea that the infraction must of not been so bad and it will most likely be repeated. Another thing I see a lot of is the Masters fear of hurting the slave causes them to be to gentle, and in a Master/slave relationship gentleness can be seen is weakness thus leaving the slave figuring once again the infraction wasn't that bad. The whole point of punishment is to discourage a certain behavior, but if the punishment doesn't even register to the slave they will forget what and why they were punished before the light sting even fades away. Now don't get me wrong I am not saying a Master can not show love to his slave and property. Far from it. They should reward the good behavior so it's repeated just as quick as the punish the bad so its not repeated. Unless its a special occasion the reward shouldn't be anything big just something minor that is not allowed often. A slaves job is to serve and they should know that the reward isn't for doing as they should be doing anyway, but for doing it so well that you are proud of them. I've seen one Master not allow his slave sweets unless it is out of his hand. Thus she gets a treat and the Master/slave relationship is deepened by her having to kneel and take it from his hand. My own Master knows of my fondness for small plastic animals, and when I do something that needed doing without being told or make a special meal he brings me one to add to my menagerie. It's a very small thing, but makes me strive harder to please and earn that prize. Anything that comes from his hand is special, because I know he owes me nothing. It shows his appreciation for all I do in my service to him. Another thing I've noticed in my time in the lifestyle is a Masters devotion and time spent with his slave steadily decreases as time goes on. This is actually true in any relationship, but I believe in a Master/slave dynamic the Master should be sure his slave knows she is loved and cherished by setting aside time each day if only twenty minutes to devote entirely to her. The return is a slave that will devote her every waking moment to the happiness and well being of her Master. Some protocols that help in this regard is devoting a time each day when a slave sits at her Master's feet and shares her daily journal with him. Then they can discuss whatever is in it, and how things can be improved. Every relationship is different as I've said, but I truly believe the things I mentioned are key for happy well adjusted slaves that thrive in there servitude...

Real or not?

I just read a very interesting post that made some very valid points. How many of you have been told your not real BDSM'ers becouse of this, that or the other? I've always wondered who defines things like this. In the BDSM community there is so much internal bickering about the right way to do things or run things. Well in actuality that is in any community is it not? Law of the jungle the bigger the badder? Yet sometimes even the smallest animals can be deadly. As long is someone is being safe in there play who am I to tell them its not right? This is especially true in the different communities. Gorean, leather. old guard, and the like. Each has certain ways that things should be done and if not done that way then its wrong. I'm just amazed that people who are so open minded in there sexuality and play can be so close minded about other things. As long is it works for you in your relationship then it should be considered right for that relationship. I almost lost a long time friend the other day over a simple slip of the tongue, and though I apologized he still felt I was picking on him for his lack of knowledge. That was the furthest from the truth but I was trying to educate him on the difference between what he said and what I am. I guess it came across is lecturing though that wasn't my intent it was just a subject I felt very passionately about. This got me thinking maybe this was behind a lot of the animosity between different groups and factions. People just feel so strongly about there own believes they can not step back to judge other's viewpoints with a clear eye. Still some arguments are just ridiculous. One I hear a lot is you can not truly be serous about the lifestyle till you've put at least five or ten or whatever years into it. If that's true it leaves newbies out in the dark doesn't it. I believe if your truly passionate about something you learn all you can and develop a plan of action based on where you want to go with that passion. You work and strive to make your passion a reality. I don't care if you've been in this lifestyle one day or fifty years the passion you have shines through. Each of us takes things that work for us and incorporate it into our lives. What is good for one is not good for another. That is what makes a good community diversity. Having different people that can all teach on different subjects. I'll say this once my opinion is that only...my opinion. Its not meant to relate to someone else nor should it. I know a lot about many different subjects, but I will always be learning and growing. So please if I ever dismiss something someone says slap me silly till I grow up and listen properly. Maybe I don't agree or subscribe to your philosophy but that does not make it wrong. It would be a very boring world indeed if there was only one right way to do things. Grow, learn, love, laugh, and never give up the childlike joy in learning...

Pet Play

Well a friend has been asking me about pet play, so I've been thinking about it a lot. On almost any definition or BDSM site you will read its humiliation play. I do not see it like that. I can see why it would be considered that if forced into pet play. That definition leaves out those of us that go into it willingly though, or even the ones that initiated it to start with. The humiliation aspect comes from being paper trained or forced to potty like an animal. Then again some may not even think that is true. I do not find it humiliation to be on a leash or eat out of a dog bowl. Instead I feel loved and cared for when my owner keeps me close on a leash or gives me special treats in my bowl. Some call it role playing or acting, but for most of us I do not see that is being accurate either. For me its a part that has always been inside and was suppressed becouse it was not normal or allowed. Who didn't grow up pretending they were some kind of animal at one time or another. I know I growled and played with my dogs all the time. I trotted and whinnied seeing myself as a gorgeous mustang or pinto mare running free mane blowing in the wind. To be able to still escape inside myself as an adult and just feel and act on instinct not worry or be human for a while is so freeing that it can't be described. When you sink so far down into that persona that it over shadows your own then its not really acting its another persona that is just in the fore front for a while. That persona is always around inside a part of you, but one that is not allowed free reign. So many probably have other personalities deep inside that are never allowed to see the light of day. That this lifestyle allows some of us to let those personalities to the fore front at times I think makes us more happy and well adjusted then those uptight people that refuse to ever let there inner child, and wild animal out. We refuse to subscribe to what is proper and right for humanity. Who is the one that decides that anyway? Why is actually showing love for more then one or playing with those that interest you so wrong? Why is actually fulfilling your fantasies and going to the edge disgusting and wrong to so many? We have been brain washed into mindless automatons that all act and think the same, and I for one refuse to succumb to that. I find pleasure in pleasing others, I love pain, and I love to loose myself and just be a puppy for a while. I will not hide what I am to please others if they don't like it they can just go away...

Pet day at the Woodshed

I don't even know where to begin. I had so much fun yesterday. Our day started out before eight trying to get everything ready. We went up to meet some friends before going to the dungeon. We met them for brunch only getting a little lost. It was very good seeing them as they live a bit far away, and though have known them for well over a year have only seen them once or twice. Am hoping that from now on will be much more, becouse they are great people and I had so much fun with them. Then we followed them over to the dungeon. Master Cecil the Dungeon owner met everyone and welcomed us. We filled out all our applications and paid the necessary fee to play for the day. He charges a reasonable price and it included staying for the evening when the Dungeon opened. I was a bit shy it was so overwhelming meeting so many new faces at once but I think I got over it pretty quickly. Once all the animals got loose it was mayhem. We had puppies, kitties, ponies, and even a few unusual animals in the mix. We had a jackal and two Dragons in the same room. One of the Dragons was in full furry costume and he was very handsome. A very randy Clydesdale made the mares day interesting. When I got a chance to be a pony he chased me but my faithful pony groom Tim actually put his body between us and kept him off me. There isn't much else I remember about being pony, but that when the bells and cuffs came off I felt a little bereft. I didn't even want to spit out the bit it just felt natural to me. I felt more at home as a pony then I do when in puppy mode. Our friend Pam showed up later in the afternoon and she brought lots of puppy and kitty treats for me and my friend Julie. Her leg was nice to lean against on breaks in the frenzy and she truly knows how to scratch. I met so many new friends and I am so looking forward to our next get together. Truly lifestyle people are the most accepting friendly people in the world. Master let Sir Tim test his spanking skills with what I believe was a fiberglass cane someone had let him borrow. They said it couldn't be broken but between Lindsey Tim's pony and my ass we seem to have broken it. Don't think there made for pony asses. Haze another friend was there when the Dungeon opened in the evening and after Master added quiet a few ass bruises himself with his toys, he let her scene with me as well. What is it with Doms or Dommes and there damn spoons? Growls and chews up all wooden spoons. Master also did a bit of needle play. He went real deep with one on my left breast and its a bit tender and bruised, but didn't feel bad. I do hope I'm getting better at taking needles, becouse I do love it its just a scary prospect. He probably did between 13 and 15 last night scattered between both my breasts and on my arms. Best of all I got suspended. That is something I've always wanted to try and it was so worth the wait. The Master who did it was a true craftsman and I was told the harness he rigged up was lovely on me. Can't take pics at the Dungeon so have nothing to show you. I know it was hard for my Master to see me being so friendly with so many strangers, and I'm honored he showed me the trust he did and let me play as he did. They have decided to make pet day a once a month thing and I'm so looking forward to the next one....