Monday, April 28, 2008

Poor subbies

How often have you heard this phrase? Poor little misguided sub taking advantage of by the big bad mean Dom. Well I for one am tired of it. Are we not all adults in this lifestyle? Why should only one person take the blame when things go wrong? I believe its just as much the subs job to research, and learn is it is the Dom's. In fact its a poor Dom in my opinion, and an idiot sub if they don't understand and know safety precautions of any play they partake in. Edge play most especially. Every day you read about some idiot that let some Dom they hardly know tie them up and leave them for hours at a time. Usually ending tragically with a death from suffocation if not seriously impaired. How many times must the warning be giving...Do not play with someone you do not know and aren't comfortable with? You can not hide behind the fact oh I'm a submissive it's my Dom's job to look after and care for me. That is such a cop out. You are still an adult and responsible for your own actions and mistakes. You choose your partner not the other way around though it may feel that way. We all know how many fakes, wanna bes, and lairs there are out there not only in the lifestyle but in general. Why would you trust yourself with someone you don't know online or off? Anyone who hears I've been in the lifestyle thirty years (and there thirty three years old), and I know exactly what you need and believes it needs a psych evaluation not a Dom. If you ever feel doubts about anyone your with and they don't let you express those doubts and discuss them with you that is a major red flag, same thing if you ask questions and they refuse answers. Online Dom's that vanish with no goodbyes or reason another red flag. Piss poor excuses like the power went out or an emergency came up should only be allowed once not over and over. Take a stand for your selfs and be responsible adults not children seeking the love you can't find elsewhere. Being a sub does not mean being a doormat and obeying every Tom, Dick, and Harry that claims there a Dom and knows what you need, and what is best for you. Only you can know and understand what is best for you. Before even getting a toe wet in the lifestyle subs need to explore all aspects of play and find out what attracts them, and what they might want to try and what they have no desire to partake in at all. They need to search for someone that has the same type of likes as they have, and people that want to explore or has experience in the things they wish to explore and learn. Finding a soul mate is not easy in or out of the lifestyle, and its not something thats going to happen overnight. No matter how fast you feel you want to go, its better to step back and take it slow and make sure the person you choose is the right one for you. Even if its just a scening partner your looking for take your time and make sure there ideals matches yours, and they understand your limits and needs. No one has yet died from not belonging to some one no matter what they think. Think, listen, study, and learn long before seeking that elusive long term partner and so many tragedies can be averted. This has been a public service announcement from your local kinkster friendly blogger...

1 comment:

subleigh said...

Bravo Sis
Too many times I see a sub submitting to whatever the Dom says just because the Dom says it...come on people use the brains you were given and most importantly your gut instinct is your best friend..if it doesnt feel right then it probably isnt
love ya sis