Thursday, June 21, 2007
Well banned again from chat, because of my blog last night. Least I owned up, and admitted my mistake and took steps to rectify it. Have had an attitude all day today as well, not sure why. Just one of those days not enough sleep, out all day. first off I do not like being ordered to do anything in front of our daughter, and will rebel if that is done. I obey because I wish to. I gave you that power over me, and if its not done respectively will stop obeying just as quick. I said from the beginning in almost all BDSM relationships the child is kept in the dark. That is not happening here, and I don't like that one bit. If I tell her I obey cause it's my choice you should back me up, not tear me down. Slapping my ass or making suggestive movements upsets her and should not be done. I do not mind playing around, but at times I think it goes to far when she is around. Am probably going to get in more trouble for this blog as well, but how will we know what's going on if we don't talk and discuss things. for you to sit there and say you have complete and total control over me in front of our daughter I believe is wrong, and yes was upset and that was half of my attitude. I do sincerely apologize for the attitude, but not for saying what caused the attitude. Yes I gave you that power over me, but told you from the beginning I was going to try to make this work. I believe I am trying and I also believe it's working so far. There are some things that still get me upset like your point blank refusal to discuss or meet me halfway on some things I'm passionate about. Yes I'm bi I'm willing to admit that now. Now it's something I do want to explore, and I know your not happy about that. I've always liked females and just never did anything about it, because of society constraints and the fact I never met anyone to explore with kept me from doing so. Now it's something I do want to explore, and I know your not happy about that.I probably would have been what one would call boi or what you would call butch if I had explored this side when younger. Now I'm embracing my feminine side and trying to act and dress appropriately. Something that is not easy for me as it's something I've never done or worried about before. I'm trying to be patient and wait for you to be ready for things, but as you've admitted yourself your a first class procrastinator and it might never happen if I don't remind and push a bit. Just because I may label myself as slave and give you total control over me doesn't mean that you can't listen to me and weigh my wants and needs as well. As my Dom, Master, and owner I have to trust you to have my best interest at heart and to know what's best for me. OK for now going to drop this line of thought and move on....
OK there are some things I'd truly like to work on for the summer. I want more things to be under control then are now. I want a schedule and hopefully the power to stick to which I lack greatly.
1. I wish to swim laps each morning, as I do not walk anymore or do anything else for exercise. Not going to be an easy tasks just looking at that cold water makes me shiver.
2. I want to get down to a cleaning routine to help keep things neater and in order. This was easy when I did home health, but not so easy to do in your own home. I would like to get my bathroom cleaned and then have one day a week I clean it completely again so it never gets trashed. Same thing for other area's of house. A cleaning schedule..hm mm maybe one day...
3. I want to give up all caffeine. Hard as hell for me..have no willpower in that regard. Two days of no sweet tea or Dr. pepper and I get major headaches.
4. Drink more water
5. take a class of something fun with my daughter. Something that will get her off her butt and moving. Dancing, yoga, gym, I don't know just something we can do to gather.
6. Teach daughter how to drive.
7. Eat healthier.
8. find something else to do as a family besides the mall and movies all the time.
9. Find another job.
10. Learn to discuss things that bother me with other's.