Saturday, July 28, 2007

Yea two kittens down

Huggssssssssssssssss to all. Put my kittens in the paper and got three calls today, but only one person actually came to see them. Worked out though they took two. Of course they took Fred and Gorge the two friendliest ones so were stuck with the duds. I've been feeling anti social today. Had a migraine again all day from the drastic Florida summer weather changes. Feels like 100 degrees one minute then sun goes away and it's storming like mad. Goes down to like 80 in no time flat. While we need the cooler air and the water is nice my sinus's take a beating from it. Sinus pressure sucks and sinus migraines even more so. I wish I wasn't so damned flawed. Asthma, allergies, Migraines, rosacia, ingrown toenails, hearing problems, and learning disabilities. Sometimes I wonder if I just got everyone else's problems? It's hard for me to feel good about myself, and even harder to believe in myself but I'm trying. When I was younger I wrote poetry to help with depression, but when I met my husband he thought my stuff was strange and I stopped writing. I know he meant nothing by his comments it just wasn't anything he understood but I'm so needy that I need others to approve what I do. I've got back into writing again and it's a great release. I still feel my stuff isn't that good and don't share most. I eat up all the good comments though one bad and I'll probably want to crawl into a hole. Master wrote a lovely blog today on MDS made me teary eyed. He doesn't express emotion often so when he does it's very special to me. It came at a good time when I was feeling pretty low and like we were drifting apart again. I still have issues though mainly with myself. I expect so much and I disappoint myself all the time. I can look around and catalog things that need doing, but half the time keep putting off the doing. I'm lazy I guess. I'll do one or two things then come here to chat, or watch TV or come up with some other excuse not to do what needs doing in my mind. I'm actually surprised that I haven't quit the morning swim yet. Food is becoming another issue with me. I still have some weight I want to loose but it's hard to eat nutritiously when your a Southerner and your family loves everything fried. My goal is to get to a size 12 but I can't seem to get lower then a size 14. I've come down from a size 22 and seem to have reached my plateau and not able to do more. Even the swimming daily seems to be making no difference. I've decided no matter what I do anyway I'm never going to be satisfied with me. Ah well enough whining from me..........

1 comment:

Master Ed said...

No one is totally perfect in this world..But to me you are...You have your flaws but it just gives you your personality and I would change it a bit. Depression will pass, our lives will get better..I promise...I loves ya
Master Ed