Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Musings or random wonderings

My dearest one,

We've come a long way together, and sometimes it feels like it's not near far enough. I know I hurt you with my blog yesterday and for that I offer you my humblest apologies. I know almost all of our problems stem from my neediness but knowing is not going to make it go away. I need and crave your touch so much that when we go weeks or even months with no touching it hurts me so much inside. I just want to curl up and die. I also know that your not getting much out of the deal. It tears me up inside that I can't transport you like you do me make your insides melt and your head explode with pleasure. For thats what you give me every time you touch me. I want that for you as well. Maybe if just once you felt that you'd know why I get so depressed and seek the company of others at times just to try to feel that closeness. Thing is no one will ever be you or be able to make me feel the way you do. I still feel as though you took the journey into the lifestyle as once again a way to bind me closer to you. I'm sorry you have to find ways to do that. I truly think that maybe I was wrong about needing this path in life at this time. I think that for now we should just concentrate on being husband and wife and put aside other dynamics till we work that out. I'd still like to go to the Munch's and learn all I can but not worry about anything else for the present. I met you when I was 17 lonely, depressed, and needing to get away from my own house and problems. You took me in showed me love, and gave your life to me. If I haven't said it enough your my world and I don't want to see that crumble through misunderstanding and lies. I'll I've ever wanted was a bit of time each day wrapped in your arms where the whole world can go to hell and it's just you and me. I go crazy when I don't get that and I apologize for causing so much pain and confusion between the two of us. I loved you being Dominant and I loved submitting to you, but till I know your ready I'm not going to listen and obey when I don't always think your right nor do I feel you always listen or see me. Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm not rejecting you or saying I wont do something when you ask. I just need a breather from the expectations I have and the anger and sadness I get when there not being met. So I'm not going to expect you to keep me from trouble or solve my need for pain now and then. I'll deal with my issues my own way, and just try to learn to accept you the way you are.
Your loving,

1 comment:

cyndi/hotforgreys said...

wow. so you dont think he is ready to dom? is that what you are saying? alot of this makes a lot of sense to me. hugs. i know you are hurting. i am here if you need to talk anytime.