Saturday, August 11, 2007

vanilla world sucks

Well once again stupid life is getting in the way. Some reason lately I've been extremely tired every day no matter how much sleep I get. Maybe it's depression. All this fighting among his family over the kids, and now having to wait on my mom till her knee heals. I have been bad about swimming haven't done it in two days now. Of course I've been cleaning, cooking, and doing laundry for those two days to have the house ready when mom came home. I've been in a really pissy mood as well. No reason for it that I can figure out. Haven't been real nice to Master. He's done a good job of keeping me in check though, and not getting to out of control. Sometimes I wish he'd just really show how sexy he thinks I am, by just grabbing me and kissing for no reason. That's not even fair cause he does at times, I'm just looking for reason's to bitch. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I wish me and him could just go away for a week just us two with no TV, which would kill him and rediscover each other. I still feel at times things that should be taking care of are not being done as quickly as they should. Master buys me pretty much anything I want and same with our daughter. I know I pout if I really want something and don't get it, but I also get over my self pretty damn quick. I'm still a bit upset about everything, and miss the time I had with two people very much. Right now though am still not able to face them without being very sad. Am sure that's a bit of my depression and the fighting between family members here as well. I feel absolutely worthless. something I was working on, but can't seem to get past anymore. If it wasn't for my online sister Jany do not think I'd even bother to log on anymore. Ah monkey nuts to everything. Life sucks then you die why bother even trying for more? Yes I know it's so wrong but how I feel at the moment. Out for now.... dark angel


cyndi/hotforgreys said...

amen sister! i feel your pain.

hang in there. hugs!

Master Ed said...

TV means NOTHING to me when it comes to you. It helps pass the day when I know you are on the computer talking to friends or playing with your graphics program. I would love to get away for a week and it just be me and you. Lets plan it. NO tv no nothing. Just walking, talking and looking at each other.

Everything thats needs to be done and done before it needs to be done. It is not for you to worry about. In the past things that should have been taken care were pushed to the "back" burner. But when I tell you know that it is going to be fixed or taken care of you can "take it to the bank" that it will be done. Your only job is to serve me. No stresses of everday life is gonna depress you. Because I will be by your side helping with your mother, dealing with the issues with the kids. I am your protector, mentor, teacher and friend. Nothing or nobody will hurt you while I am around.

I love you

Master Ed