Sunday, August 19, 2007

Punishment sucks

Well am sure we all know this and agree, but punishment itself isn't the problem it's waiting for punishment. I know when vanilla things intrude and Master doesn't have time to punish me immediately for transactions that I'm just going to earn more before ever receiving a single lick. The longer the time before he gives punishment the more I will earn. By the time this one earns her punishment she has forgot what punishment was for though it's usually for same things. Disrespect, disagreeing, and temper tantrums. This one is truly trying to work on those things, but sometimes just can't help myself. Last night I was honest about something that I thought would get me in trouble, and make Master very angry. He wasn't angry and explained rules for that type of thing and thanked me for being honest. Knowing that I can go to him without him exploding and not letting me explain will make it much easer to keep communication open between us. I think him knowing he has final say and I will listen helps him to accept things he didn't before as well. There are still times where I'm just plain tired, cranky, and argumentative just for the sake of arguing. I'm trying to curb these urges and remember my place, but not the easiest thing to do. Like all when I feel I'm right I'm right and thats all there is to it. I'm unable to accept his word is law at these times and sulk like a two year old. I have to remind myself who is in control and who's word is final, but even that doesn't always help. Usually him pulling me to him by my hair, and slapping my face will bring me around quickly and remind me of my place. Other times like a child it just makes my lip stick out more, and me want to battle more. Muttering and kicking things. I have to know he's in control and he will take care of things. That is coming gradually. We still have a problem trying to deal with his niece and nephew. The 16 year old isn't a real problem though she does have teen attitude we have to deal with, it's the 11 year old. Unfortunate as it is we always prayed nothing would ever happen to his mother because we never wanted the boy. Now we have him, and have to deal with all his myriad problems. He is extremely hyper and rude. He does not do well around people, he only relates to games and cartoons. He is overweight and eats like a horse. Truly he drives us both crazy within ten minutes time and we want to strangle him. So thinking of raising him for the next ten years is not a fun thought. I truly think he is a little disassociated from things. He didn't even seem bothered by his mother's passing. I'm sure it might cause problems for him when he's older, but right now he just seems so lost inside himself. I think he might actually be a bit autistic and hope to get that checked out. Hopefully we can get him help and gain some sanity from having to deal with him. Truly I know once we get a place and have all the kids living with us Master and I will have so little time for each other. I just hope that together we can weather all storms and rely on each other as I've come to rely so heavily on him for all my needs....

1 comment:

Master Ed said...

I will always be here for you with either an ear to listen to your issues or with a strong shoulder for you to cry on or to take out a little anger. We as a team is unbreakable and undeafeatable as individuals we will fall by the wayside.

I love you.

Master Ed