Monday, May 4, 2009
I know everyone in my family is bipolar. I am not sure if that is my issue or not, but I feel I am more manic depressive. Yes I do go through high points, but there much rarer then my low ones. I try very hard not to let it get to me. At times though its just so damn hard. I get up every day for what? What have I giving of myself that makes my existence worthwhile? I know this kind of thinking is ridiculous but I can't help where my mind wonders. I'm doing better then I used to be. I no longer even contemplate suicide, which used to be quiet common for me. Its still a big issue for me and sometimes I'm just not sure how to overcome it. Some days it just seems like everything is pressing down on me driving me so deep into the ground I can never recover. There is so much to worry about, and its very hard to just let things go. I have too though to survive. I can not worry about how I am going to buy stuff, or where I'd go if I did not have my parents to take me in. If I really thought about my life right now I'd truly go insane. Today is obviously not a good day. If I accomplish one thing for the day it helps me greatly, but today haven't even done that. I guess I am lucky I'm not one of those people that can sleep forever or I would stay in bed with my head covered and never face the world...sighs and repeats over and over tomorrow will be a better day.