Scattered thoughts

I'm very lucky to have so many very caring friends online. Lately I've been extremely depressed for no real apparent reason. I guess I've felt like things were starting to go back to how they have always been. I was promised this wouldn't happen ever again, yet things always go back to the way they were. Least I've learned not to let it bottle up anymore. I will speak up then things will change once more for a while. Do I really have to walk right up and say hey I need attention...not tomorrow not next week right now! When depressed I eat to much, don't want to exercise, and completly stop writing. Pretty much just shut out the world and wallow in self pity. It's hard to get out of a funk like that. Something has to change. I've changed so much in the last few years, and I will not settle for being unhappy any longer. I know what I like and need and if I'm not getting it where I'm at maybe I need to think about looking elsewhere. That is not a solution I even really want to consider and hope it won't ever come to that, but that is how I feel. I will enjoy life and not just let it pass me by anymore. I've missed out on enough. There are still so many things I want to do and try. I can only hope my partner decides he wants to be by my side for everything, and not let me slip away again...